Friday, August 21, 2009

I am Frightened

I am prejudiced brethren and sistren. I am going to admit it right here. There. There it is. There is a certain demographic of people which I consistently run into problems with. Last night I thought my head was going to explode. I work at a two-bit carry out, on the outskirts of a small Ohio town. Like I said, last night something happened to me. I couldn't think clearly, everything was a jumble, I could not keep my thoughts in order. That does not work out so well when you are behind a cash register. I hope my drawer balances out today when the boss comes in and does the daily books. +++ My problem is with old women. It is old women who I have developed a disliking to. But not all of them, just most of them. I swear to god I think there is a factory somewhere that cranks out these bickering, back-biting, crabby, complaining, gossiping prune-faced old women. They go off of only one or two prototype models and just mass produce them, and then turn them loose on the world. They even look alike. If I'm at Wal-mark buying supplies and food and dog food and stuff, I will see the same old lady prototype all over the store. For example, no matter what it is I am looking at, an old lady will walk over and start standing there with a crabby look on her face, waiting for me to move. Then when I bolt away in panic and horror, another old lady who looks the same, will block my escape path and give me the patented old crab look of disapproval. They look at me like I am some form of savage primate. When I escape into the next isle over at Wal-mart, another old crab will be there, looking at me. Always looking at me. +++Outside in the parking lot, if I walk near one getting into its car, I will inevitably hear the electronic car doors clicking as they lock. It's not that the old lady actually thinks that I would harm them, no. They just can't pass up a chance to feel superior and make someone else feel like less than human. +++ Last night at the store, I was freaking SURROUNDED by them! They overran my position! One of them came in accusing me of screwing up her lottery ticket an hour earlier, another one was telling me I short-changed her 2 dollars, and another one was saying over and over: "come on! come on! service! service! you're usually on the ball! What's a matter with you?!" ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I swear man they were pointing fingers and canes and poking and prodding. I freaking freaked out man. My heart started going fast, my mind was all mixed up, I couldn't focus. The line was getting longer. And these freaking old bags are just yakking and yipping and poking and pressing. I don't know how I made it through that. I'm pretty tough you dig, been through alot of life and death type stuff. But THIS! This is not a situation where you can just start swinging man. We're talking about old ladies here. This was some scary shit daddy-o. I dread going back in there tonight. I dread it. I hate my job with an intense hatred. I know I should not feel that way, but I do. Last night in the back of my mind, part of myself was asking the question: "how did it come to this?". It was surreal almost. I now call that prototype the OL-74. The nomenclature stands for "old lady - 74 yrs old". It's like the terminator you know? The T-1000 or whatever it was called. Anyway. If you pray, pray for Joel the K tonight will you? I have to go back in there man. And I'm frightened.


NatSilver said...

Joel, you had me cracking up. Do some meditation before you go to work. Clear the mind.

Mayberry said...

Whenever I get to feeling that my job sucks, someone always reminds me that it could be worse, ha ha! I hate dealing with people. Yer a better man than I!

Ted said...


Trini Airguns said...

There's a strategy that may work. Get out your wallet and show photos of your children. Then ask if they have any photos of theirs (don't assume they have grands!).

This ploy usually works. It disengages the aggressive interface, and kickstarts the warm-fuzzy distributor.

You have me looking at OL74s in a new light. I thought they were benign creatures with modest needs.

Ah well, we live and learn.

-ROFL in Trinidad.