Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Doomsday Dollar Store


Greetings ladies and lice. Welcome to Patriots Cave, the most under-rated website on the Internet.  Are you a prepper? Are you a survivalist? Or maybe you really want to start prepping, but just have not actually started yet. Maybe your wife or spouse is not agreeable with the concept of preparing for hard times. Know this, more people are hearing the survivalist/preparedness message right now, than ever before. So now is the time to make your move. Patriots Cave is going to show you how you can put your survival machine into motion, on your next trip to the dollar store. Your spouse won't even realize that at that moment, that your family just became official SURVIVALISTS! Or you can use the term "prepper" if you prefer. I personally don't like the term prepper very much. It sounds kind of dorky to me. It sounds like my Big Wheel is parked outside in the lot. Sorry. I like the term "survivalist" much better, though I realize there is some stigma attached to the word. Whereas "prepper" has no such connotation. When somebody says the word "prepper", it does not bring to mind images such as "Earl" from the film "Tremors". Lol...
Anyway, the point is, you can get this thing started on your next trip to the dollar store. And here is a shopping list of items Patriots Cave wants you to buy. Pay attention now, don't f%#k this up. Here is your list:
1. 10 lb. bags of rice. Cost=around four bucks. Get as many as you can.
2. Go to the spice rack. They have spices 2 for one dollar. Get a whole armful of all kinds of spices. Just pull the cart up and swipe the entire section into your cart.
3. Go to the vitamins section. They cost about2 bucks. Some bottles of vitamins are one dollar. Get you some C, D3, B-complex, multi vit/mineral, vitamin E, and make sure to get a few bottles of garlic oil gel caps. Get the stinky kind, not the odorless.
4. Batteries. Get some AA, AAA, 9 volt, C, and D batts. They cost $1.00 .
5. Get you a few flashlights.
6. Go to the little hardware section in the dollar store. Get some rolls of twine. Some duct tape, black electric tape, and some clothes-line rope.
7. Get a box of HUGE lawn and leaf trash bags. These are actually survival ponchos, emergency sleeping bags, back-packs, shelter and more.
8. Get some candles, some lighters, matches, and some little bottles of alcohol-based hand sanitizer (makes damn good fire starter).
9. Get some Miracle grow fertilizer in the garden section. (don't buy veggie seeds at the dollar store. They are Monsanto death seeds. Get heirloom seeds from http://www.survivalistseeds.com/ ) Yes I said miracle grow. Don't go getting all hippy happy about not using chemical fertilizer. We're talking survival here. Just get it.
10. Get first aid supplies. Band-aids, ace bandages, gauze, alcohol pads, diarrhea pills, laxative pills for constipation (in stressful situations people get constipated), get an eye-flusher, and everything else you think you need for a first-aid kit.
11. Go to the books area, get a dollar store bible for a buck or two. Get some little notebooks and some pens/pencils.
12. Go to the domestics isle. Get a sewing kit for each member of your family. They cost $1.00 and they have 10 spools of thread, pins, needles, tiny scissors and stuff.
13. Sunglasses for bright winter days.
14. Get food for homemade MREs. For the main courses get either pre-cooked chicken in the foil-lined pouch or little canned chili with the easy open pull tab. Then get some little boxes of raisins to put a few in each MRE. Put a few juice boxes in each one. Put a few granola bars in each one. And if you are a cow-eater, I guess you could put some slim-Jims in each MRE. Gawd.
That is it brethren and sistren, The Doomsday Dollar Store. For Patriots Cave this is Joel the K, over and out.

1 comment:

Badrockbilly said...

Thanks for the shopping list Joel.